I thought quite a bit about our conversation last night. I understand it is hard at times being so capable and knowing it. It is not just being capable; it is the combination of the positive attitude about life and the knowing that anything is possible that creates the loneliness. When life is a veritable smorgasbord of options, things get in the way. Trust that it is part of the ebb and flow. As you have learned, airplanes do not fly from Point A to Point B in a straight line; it is the continuous flow of course corrections that eventually finds the destination. Then there are new destinations, may it always be so..
One school of thought suggests that always setting one’s goals low enough ensures expectations can always be met or exceeded. Not the recommended way to live, but easier if truly internalized. One thing about you, dear friend, is that I do not believe you know how to set your goals low. I do not remember you ever really complaining or intentionally doing something to hurt. There is an innocence in goodness, at least it is perceived that way. In our society goodness and loneliness often go hand in hand because most do not trust goodness. Goodness not being understood is shunned. There is also wisdom in goodness, but because one chooses goodness does not mean one is not capable of the direct opposite. In fact, I believe one who chooses goodness is more clearly attuned to the opposite.
We all have thoughts and feelings that cause us to question who we are. As long as we are human, we are destined in part to function in the rule bucket of humanness. Like some, I believe you have been blessed and cursed with knowing there is something else. Blessed because you know and desire to find it, cursed because the rule bucket is the great creator of things. Please trust that I know. Like the little boy at the foot of the Banyan tree, one must keep on dancing. Things do suck at times, but there are levels of suckiness. My expectation is that some of your suckiness is of your own choosing. No matter, know that you are deeply loved and respected. I know you know you are not alone though lonely.
All the best – keep dancing.